Being a romantic sucks. Or at least, being me and being a romantic sucks.
I'm not a romantic in the sense that I like flowers and chocolates and watching Jennifer Aniston movies. I like stories without happy endings, things that should be good but are destructive instead and I like sadness. I'm not particulary morbid, at least not in the blood and gore sense. More in the emotional sense. It's difficult to explain because I don't think a lot of people would understand but sometimes I need to listen to sad music and read books that aren't uplifting at all. I'm a bit self destructive I guess. I'd rather have a great love that ruins me than be ordinary. I want to live a normal life but I want to make it mean something and to me that means having a love like something out of a movie. But I don't kid myself, if something like that is in the cards for me it almost certainly won't have a happy ending.

I am horribly insecure. On the surface I can seem confident and cocky but when it comes down to it I'm just hiding and my attitude is all just an act. I constantly second guess myself, whether it's with schoolwork or what I'm doing. I don't really have a lot of confidence in myself, but I'm working on it. That's why I refuse to delete this blog or any posts, even if I feel like I sound pretentious or insufferable, which I have a habit of doing. These are all my thoughts and feelings and I need to learn to accept them. I doubt that it will be easy but I think in the long run it will be quite good for me. And I should probably clarify that my insecurity is not really to do with my looks as much as it is my personality or thoughts. I often feel as though I'm wrong or not good enough and that's not true so it's something I need to work on. I'm blogging as a form of therapy I guess but also in an effort to try and improve my writing because I adore writing but due to my insecurity I never do it and as a result I don't feel as though I'm a very good writer. The only way for my writing to improve is through practice and that's what I plan to do. I may post snippets of fictional, short story type things I come up as well as my personal thoughts and so on. I'm still not sure of how this will all work but it's my blog and I can do what I want with it. Besides as of right now, I'm the only one reading it.

Well, this should be interesting. It might be a new adventure or another one of my frequently started but never actually seen through to the end projects. That's all up to me.

I'm Addy. I'm sixteen years old, I'm Canadian and I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I'll refrain from making a comment about cliches because, to be quite honest, I find those rather cliched. I ramble a lot. I'm not a person who is good at being direct or to the point, I like to ramble and tell stories. I frequently write in run on sentences. And as much as I pretend otherwise, as cynical as I act, I am a romantic at heart. To a ridiculous degree actually. It's the Achilles heel of my personality. If you've ever read The Catcher in the Rye and remember what Mr. Antolini said to Holden, well I think that could probably be applied to myself as well. Except, unlike Holden, I'm actually very much aware of this. That is a basic introduction to myself. I don't know how this blog is going to go, how it'll work or even what I'll post but I'm doing this, although I'm not entirely sure why. Until next time.